Charlie Harary

Getting Married Under A Tent

I just wanted to share the latest video about why Jews get married under a “tent”. It relates to the unique tradition of marrying off a couple under a chuppa and how that contains the lessons from Abraham and Sara about key Jewish values.

I hope you enjoy. Would love your thoughts.

Growing from Adversity – Carrots, Eggs, and Coffee

We all want to live a happy life. We want life to be smooth and pleasurable. However, sometimes, there are bumps along the way. Sometimes we encounter curves, detours and potholes as we navigate towards our intended destination.

It’s not whether or not we will encounter challenge. It’s our response to it once we do.

I heard a great story about growing from adversity. Thought you would enjoy (for my fellow coffee addicts, it’s even better).

A young man went to his mentor for advice. His life was hard and he couldn’t take it anymore. He wanted to give up. He was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as soon as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

The mentor took him into the kitchen. He filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first pot, he placed carrots, in the second he placed eggs, and in the last he placed ground coffee beans. He let them sit and boil, without saying a word.

After about twenty minutes or so, he turned off the burners. He took out the carrots and placed them in a bowl. He pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then he ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to the young man, he said, “Tell me what you see.”

“Carrots, eggs, and coffee,” he replied.

Pointing to the carrots, he asked the young man to feel them. They were soft. Then he asked him to take an egg and break it. After peeling off the shell, he observed the hard cooked egg. Finally, he asked him to sip the coffee. The young man smiled as he tasted its rich aroma.

The young man was perplexed. He asked, “I don’t understand what this has to do with my life?”

The mentor explained, “Each of these objects faced the same adversary – boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they changed the water.”

“Which are you?” he asked the young man. “When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?”

Which are we?

Are we the carrot which seems strong, but with pain and adversity, wilt and become soft and lose our strength?

Are we the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Do we have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, become hardened and stiff? Do our shells look the same, but on the inside, we are bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or are we like the coffee bean? The bean that actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are the bean, then when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you.

When it comes to adversity, are we the carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything. They just make the most of what comes their way. The brightest future will always be based on growing from your past. We can’t become the people we are destined to be unless we learn from, and let go of, our past failures and heartaches.

The key to greatness is the ability to learn, grow, and move on. To focus on what lies ahead, the person we know we can be, and work until that dream becomes a reality.

Silent Heroes

We are living in a time in which information is readily available on our fingertips. Never in the history of humanity were we able to access so much advice, content, and data. Today, when we want to know something, our first instinct is to “google it” and when we do, we are overwhelmed with the response.

But there is certain information that can’t be googled; content that is not searchable or downloadable; advice that we can’t access with a wifi connection.  There is life changing wisdom that is only available by speaking to those that have lived life.

By seeking advice from those that have experienced the ups and down, the highs and lows, the joys and pains of life, we gain a unique understanding and perspective that we can apply to our lives.

We have within our midst a generation of people that lived extraordinary lives. They grew up in a time of extreme horror. Their childhood was ripped away by those that sought their demise. They experienced great tragedy, traveled across continents and rebuilt lives and families from ashes.

They are the survivors. Heroes that have seen more than we can nightmare. They lived a superhuman life. They contain a treasure trove of wisdom for how to overcome, rebuild and live.

They don’t know how to blog, podcast or tweet. Their words may seem outdated. But they have the secret to life. They can show us how to live greatly – if we can hear it. If we are patient enough to ask and listen. To understand the depths of what they are saying. To appreciate them for who they are and for what they have been through.

This past week, we had on the radio show Mr. Egon Pfeifer, a survivor.  Born in Hungary in 1936, Mr. Pfeifer was only seven years old when his parents were taken from him. His mother and older brother were killed in the concentration camps while he starved and barely survived in a safe house. He then spent years in an orphanage and ultimately, through underground connections, came to the US with nothing. He, like many others, rebuilt a life, a family and a business.

You will realize through the interview that he doesn’t see himself as special. Of course, we know otherwise. His words, though he doesn’t consider them life advice, are just that.

We discussed overcoming tragedy through shifting your focus, through staying positive and being grateful. He gave us “content” that, while unsearchable, is priceless.

Below please find an audio of the show. I hope you find it insightful and inspiring. As you listen, think about those people that you have in your life. Maybe parents or grandparents, neighbors or friends. It is our elders who contain the wisdom to live the lives we dream of – if we are willing to ask, listen, and learn.

http://www.radiohidabroot.com/index.php/rabbi-charlie-harary/viewvideo/1075/april-19-2012

The Power of Vision

One of the greatest tools we have in personal growth is vision. Achieving greatness requires the ability to not only see what is, but to see what could be. Seeing past our limiations, entering into the realm of the ideal, is the first step in growing into the person we can be.

As Harvard professor Daniel Goleman stated in his best selling book, Primal Leadership: “The key is uncovering your ideal self—the person you would like to be, including what you want in your life and work. Developing that ideal image requires a reach deep inside one’s gut level. You know you have touched it when you feel suddenly passionate about the possibilities your life holds.”

There is great story about Rabbi Kahanaman, who had a dream to build a massive center of Torah learning in a otherwise uninhabited area of Israel. When speaking to a potential donor, he was told “Rabbi, you are dreaming,” to which he responded, “I may be dreaming, but I am not sleeping.”

To become the person we know we can be, we have to see it, dream it, feel it. We have to get in touch with our ideal self and use that as a guage to our success.

Passover is the holiday of freedom. It’s the time of year designated to teach us how to break through our own limitations, our own Egypt. As such, it centers around the Seder, which is a custom designed to show us how to dream, how to reclaim that vision that we all once had. Below is the video that explains how.

A few thanks you’s:

1. OnTime Studios for taping.

2. Aish.com from editing and producing.

3. My students at YU for developing this concept together.

Taking a Stand for your Beliefs

There’s a big difference in life between words and actions.

We can say that we believe in something. We can speak about how important our beliefs are to us. We can tell other people to believe. We can even get upset when others don’t act in accordance with our beliefs.

But the true test of what we believe in isn’t in our words. It is in our actions.

When everything is going smoothly, our beliefs aren’t tested and we don’t know how strong our commitment to them really is. But when something comes in conflict with our beliefs; when what we want is pitted against what we believe in, the laboratory in which we can test the extent of our beliefs is formed.

I was privileged to write an article for Ami Magazine this week about the Robert M. Beren School basketball team in Houston, Texas.

To me, this meant a lot because it combined two of my favorite subjects: Basketball and G-d.

The basketball team at Beren took a stand for Shabbos. Their actions garnered national attention. Without realizing it, their commitment to what they believed in made an impact on the world around them and inspired Jews and non Jews alike.

That school showed the world that when push comes to shove, they don’t just speak about their connection to Judaism and G-d –  they live it.

Click here, or see below, for the full article (Ami’s webpage requires a subscription)

The Story of Esther and Living with Purpose

The story of Purim centers around the actions of one of the most fascinating characters in Jewish history, Esther. What makes Esther’s life so interesting is the evolution of her personality and role in the salvation of the Jewish people. Esther starts off the Purim story passive and unambitious. She seems unwilling to create change and prefers instead to follow the directions of others. However, midway through the story, she changes. She steps up into an otherwise hopeless situation, takes control of the circumstances and with determination and strength saves the Jewish people from the edict of the evil Haman.

What happened? What causes Esther to transform?

The trigger came from a message Mordechai sent Esther at the hight of the crisis. Mordechai sent her a note that contained a concept that changed her life. This concept, which is the subject of the video below, not only had implications for Esther, but contains an integral message for all of us. If we take it to heart, it can influence how we view our purpose in life.

How to define your role through the life of one of the greatest heroines of all time, Queen Esther

The Shema

I was doing math homework with my son the other day, when he stopped, turned to me and asked, “Daddy, why do I have to do this? Who cares if I understand math?” After the deja vu moment of me trying the same tactic with my parents passed, I answered “You need to understand math. It’s an important subject to know in life.”

He didn’t buy it. “Why is math important? Who cares if I know how to multiply? I could just buy a calculator.”

I started listing all the applications of math (most of which included following sports) but it didn’t work. He just couldn’t see how doing his homework connected to the betterment of his life.

After trying unsuccessfully, I said “I understand that you may not see it, but I am you dad and I love you. If I am making you do your homework, it’s for your benefit, not mine. Just trust me and do your best.”

He wasn’t convinced. I didn’t expect him to be. He’s too young. The ability to take action even if we don’t see the benefit, requires a belief in something greater that ourselves. We need to be comfortable that we can’t always see ten steps ahead. That takes time, experience and humility.

That ability, that comfort, that belief, it a key tenet in our relationship with God.

What do I mean?

Below is a video about the Shema. It’s the prayer we say every morning and evening. It’s the first prayer we teach our children when they are infants and the last we say before we die. It’s our reminder to do our homework even if we can’t fully understand why.

Tribute to the Jewish Mother

My friend Shmuel Hoffman called a few weeks ago about a new video. When I asked what it was about, he answered that it was a tribute to the Jewish mother. How could I say no to that. The rule I was taught growing up was never say no to a Jewish mother, or anything connected to a Jewish mother, ever… ever…. ever.

The video below is sponsored by Wissotzky Tea and is intended to be a tribute video to mothers. They totally deserve it. I am constantly amazed by the strength, capacity and capability of my wife, and mom, who are the cornerstones of their homes and families.

In a world that pushes for the bottom line and sometimes measures us by views, fans and dollars, we tend to overlook the people that are doing things that are much more meaningful. We don’t have dinners to honor mothers nor read their stories in newspapers or blogs but they are the true heroes, running, going and doing in ways that leave us men bewildered.

As with many things in life, it’s important to stop, recognize and say thank you.

Disclaimer: This not my wife or family. I begged them to do it but they passed. Kudos to our good friend Michal Weinstein who stepped in and did an amazing job.

It’s not what we say, it’s who we are

As a father, this video struck a cord. It uncovered a concept about parenting that I feel like I knew before, but wasn’t able to properly articulate. Our children don’t learn from what we say, they learn from who we are. They have this unique ability to know when we are being genuine, honest and caring and when we are just acting. They watch how we deal with our lives and learn how to deal with theirs.

While this may look daunting, this concept could open up a new road to personal greatness. Once we realize that our every move is being observed by our children, we are forced to become genuinely better people. Even if we feel like we are not strong, patient or kind enough, as we remind ourselves that those little eyes are watching, we somehow find a way.

It seems like our kids give us as much as we give them.

The Secret to Great Relationships

I once heard a wise man say that “the quality of one’s life is based on the quality of one’s relationships.” As I get older, I appreciate the truth of that statement. While we are all busy doing so many things, we know that our happiest moments are when we are with the ones we love. When our relationships are strong, we can withstand whatever comes our way. But if they are shaky and weak, even if we look, talk and act happy, deep down we feel that something is missing.

How do we build strong, great relationships? Below is a video that offers a piece of advice. It highlights one aspect of the Jewish wedding service.

The Rabbis brilliantly crafted each custom of the Jewish wedding to teach the bride and groom important life lessons. This video looks at the wine, the centerpiece of the service, and draws an important lesson in marriage and all relationships.

Hope you enjoy. Would love to hear from you.